Setting: 3AM, 6 train from Spring Street to 86th Street.  Probably the fourth time I’ve run into Alden a.k.a. Karim Fonda from Team Facelift on the subway in the middle of a weeknight.

Me: What are you working on now?

Alden: Right now we got an album coming out on Duck Down Records.  (((At this point a guy standing near us waiting for the subway chimes in that he’s heard of Duck Down and we talk to him for a minute.))) We got Junior Sanchez who’s sort of a legendary New York House guy to executive produce it and I’m also working on a project with a chick named Tigga Galore on some voguing music.

Me: What do you mean by ‘voguing’?

Alden: It’s basically like ballroom music for super gay queens to pose and dance to.  I was looking for an inroad to get involved in that scene ’cause it seemed really cool and I finally came across this girl who had the same kind of vision and we made a couple of tracks and it looks like she’s going to get a little single deal off of it.

Me: Where is that scene in New York?

Alden: Have you ever been down to West 4th Street, in that area, the homo thug community?

Me: Where I used to get fake IDs?

Alden: Exactly, but you know how now there’s some wild thugged-out looking dudes that are super fem, that’s kind of where it’s going on.  Even though they seem kind of cuddly, they also don’t seem like the types of people you could walk up and say (high voice) ‘Hey, what kind of cultural events do you have going on involving, you know, like, weird gay subcultures?’

So I had to kind of force my way in.  I actually went to see Tigga Galore’s performance at this place Mr. Black on 30th Street last Saturday which was insane.  I got there early and the opening act was this Amazonian-like drag queen in a garbage bag and she was lip syncing this song I had never heard and there was somebody off stage dangling a big bag of fake coke and then a dildo in front of her and then suddenly this white fairytale of a man, like a little twink of a boy, came out in a diaper and got on his back and she changed his diaper and there was Nutella smeared all over his ass crack and she ate the Nutella out of his ass and I was like how come I don’t know where this is going on every night?  It was really inspiring.  And then Tigga Galore played after that.

Me: What about Team Facelift?

Alden: We’ve been doing some weird interview segments for the E network.  It’s for a show called The Daily 10 which is celebrity gossip so I sort of have to be briefed.

Me: So you’re like a pop-culture pundit or something?

Alden: You know, I feel like it’s more Fat Jew than me because I don’t even know who some of these people are.  He did the red carpet for the Grammy Awards and was running up on all of these people that I had never heard of and I was so amazed that he knew who they were.

Me: What have you been doing uptown?

Alden: Just puttering around, really.

Me: You got any favorite spots up here?

Alden: I can’t really afford anything.  Me and my dad split packs of Rogers cigarettes which can sometimes be found at the smoke shop on 84th and Lex.  That’s pretty much my only destination uptown.

Me: I don’t even know what Rogers cigarettes are.

Alden: They’re special.  You have to be really broke to know what a Roger is.

Me: When are you going to record your album for Duck Down?

Alden: They’re shooting for us to release it in September or October, sort of a back to school special thing.  Junior Sanchez, the executive producer, just gave us an assignment, he said, ‘I want 20 songs written’ which is pretty exciting because we never have been forced to work like that.  We have 8 to 10 songs already but he wants 20 to work with as a beginning palette.  It’s cool to have like an assignment like that.

Me: So, is it going in a more House direction?

Alden: I think so.  [Duck Down] is a rap label and we do make rap music so we’re trying to balance it out but it’s definitely a priority right now to get music that you can play in clubs.  I think there’s less of a market for people wanting to go out and spend money to be rapped at.  I think people wanna party a little bit more.  So we’re trying to make music that sets that mood.

Me: Any new music videos?

Alden: We have a funny video that’s up.  Duck Down is so rap and we’re such soft fun-boys from uptown that I think they felt like they needed to see if we could hack it so we had a meeting with them right after we signed and we told them what we were working on and they were totally down and then the next day our manager calls and says Duck Down’s organized a rap cipher at Union Square at 5 o’clock in the afternoon and they want you to… rap. With all of the artists on Duck Down.  And they’re Brooklyn guys, grown-ass, thugged-out men that I’ve been sort of rapping along with since I was 12 years old.  And we show up at Union Square and there’s a 30 person cipher and that’s totally not our style, to rap in public- that sort of gives me second hand embarrassment, especially when it’s white people doing it but we were forced into this situation- there was no way we could say no.  So we showed up and this cipher grew exponentially ’cause it was a beautiful day at Union Square and tourists and high school kids and photographers started showing up and we were basically thrust into the center of this circle of 60 people.

Me: What did you do?

Alden: We just rapped.  We went into rapper mode.

Me: Were you wearing pink underwear or anything?

Alden: No,no,no,no, we definitely toned down the glam.

Me: You guys are like glam rap.

Alden: Yeah, like glam rap, it’s like fun boy rap.  We kind of had to tone that shit down.  Fat Jew wasn’t even there.  It was definitely my ‘Eight Mile – my mom’s spaghetti on my shirt’ moment.

Me: So that went well?

Alden: It did go well.  I think we passed our first initiation test into the world of being a rapper.

W. John Jameson, III, lives in my building and weaves textiles in his apartment. During the winter he opens his home studio to friends and other tenants for a holiday sale. A few years ago my mother began a yearly tradition of letting me pick out a scarf for Hanukah. When John is working, the loom takes up a good portion of his living room. As during his holiday sale, you might know he’s entertaining guests if you come across the loom tucked away in the basement on your way to do laundry.

I asked him some questions.

1. How long have you lived in your apartment on The Upper East Side?
WJJ: I moved in February 1993.

2. Why did you choose weaving over other arts or even other textile arts? In other words, what specifically about weaving drew you to that art?
WJJ: I took a weaving class in boarding school and the artform appealed to my sense of color, order, and texture. I did try painting, drawing, and ceramics, but did not enjoy them.

3. Are there any institutions, galleries, schools, supply stores related to weaving on the Upper East Side or do you have to leave the neighborhood for any kind of event, errand, etc. related to your art?
WJJ: I buy some of my yarn from a store called STRING (www.stringyarns.com) on Madison Aveneue between 78/79. The rest of my yarn comes from Italy primarily.

4. Can you talk about that playhouse you are involved with?
WJJ: I do some volunteer work for the HOURGLASS group (www.hourglass.org) usually box office stuff. They produce little known works, past and present. They don’t have a playhouse. Unfortunately, there is no textile connection here. I donate scarves for their fund raisers.

5. Many people would wonder, are you able to support yourself through weaving alone? Especially on The Upper East Side? If not, do you have a second job or other means of affording The U.E.S. life?
WJJ: It is not easy, but I do make a small living from this venture.

6. What does being a weaver entail besides the actual weaving process? i.e. – showing in crafts fairs etc.
WJJ: I do trade shows such as the New York Gift, the Holiday Show at the Church of the Heavenly Rest on Fifth Avenue, as well as retail shows across the nation.

Here is a closeup of a giant scarf or wrap from my own W. John Jameson, III, collection. John also weaves wall pieces. Similar to abstract painting, you can just stare and get lost in the intricacy of colors and textures. I buy scarves because I like to wear them around town. At his sale, I always find many pieces that appeal to, even delight my aesthetic sense, but sometimes I also see, for example, a blanket that is too outrageous for me; with a very curly thread or an animal print border or a strange shade of green. I think, how could the same person design the scarves I find so wearable, and with color combinations so subtly fantastic, and then this other piece that seems a bit tacky to me. But on closer inspection I appreciate these too, because they also express the apparent joy John finds in exploring all of the possible combinations of color, texture, and patterns.

This is just the beginning of a continuing investigation, you might even say focus-group, into why someone chooses to be Republican. Since most people know, and therefore, for now, most of the readers of this zine, will be ultra-liberal, even Socialist (yes, even one Communist), it seems fruitless to write some Bush-bashing piece that would preach to the choir. And since most of us are actually baffled by Republicans, I decided to lift some of the veils of mystery and get some honest answers as to why someone would be a Republican and/or support Bush. Just for a start, I have interviewed two highly-educated Republicans who by coincidence happen to both be Harvard graduates from the Upper East Side. (They don’t know each other.) However, they have very different reasons for belonging to their party. Let’s see what their beliefs and opinions are on a few issues…

Republican A:

1. What is your profession?

Hedge funds/finance

2. What are your life goals? Where do you want to be in 10 years?

Senior portfolio manager at a bank/hedge fund

3. Rank in order of personal importance-

(happiness, friends, money, God, love, health, art, family)

Happiness

Love

Family

Health

Friends

Money

Art

God

4. Do you consider yourself a moral person? Or, do you worry about being a good person?

Yes, I consider myself to be a moral person.

5. Why are you a Republican and not a Democrat?

I am Republican because I believe the party is better able to govern the country. I have greater confidence in the Republican party’s ability to fight terrorism (protect the country) and to create a good economy.

6. What political party do your parents belong to?

One is Republican and one is Democrat.

7. At what moment, or because of what issue did it become obvious to you that you were Republican?

National security and economic policy.

8. How much do you care about politics?

Not much.

9. Do you believe in the American Dream, i.e. that anyone can become rich no matter where they started from if they put their mind to it?

No, there are obvious advantages (educations etc) to starting off rich.

10. What religion do you belong to, if any? And, if any, how religious are you?

Do not belong to any religion.

11. How do you feel about separation of Church and State?

Very important.

12. What is your position on gay marriage, abortion, and the death penalty?

Opposed to gay marriage, pro-choice, opposed to death penalty. Although, none of these are significant in determining my political views.

13. Do you feel there is a contradiction in President Bush being against stem-cell research yet pro-death penalty?

Yes, but don’t really care about the matter.

14. If you could have voted on it, would you have been for or against going to war with Iraq?

For.

15. What do you think were the reasons for going to war with Iraq?

Iraq is a potential harborer of terrorists Saddam Hussein has continually gone against UN sanctions. Additionally, a democracy in Iraq will spread throughout the region and create greater stability there.

16. Do you believe that there was a connection between Al Queida and Saddam Hussein?

Yes, Saddam Hussein and Al Queda were both enemies of the US.

17. Which do you value more, civil liberties or

national security?

National Security.

18. Many Republicans say they believe in limited

government and states’ rights. Liberals are puzzled that many Republicans nevertheless seem to want government to impose on all of society a particular set of values, as reflected in the movement to amend the constitution to explicitly forbid gay marriage, and in the administration’s anounced intent to prosecute the medical use of marijuana, overriding state laws permitting it. Do you have any comments on this?

Its clear that Republicans favor these issues in order to build a governing coalition.In terms of a governing coalition – I think I am trying to say that a lot of Republicans are willing to compromise on certain issues in order to maintain a majority. Rather cynically, I believe that Bush/other prominent Republicans don’t really care too much about these issues (gay marriage, abortion, stem cell research) and are just catering to the religious right to get votes.

19. It’s sometimes said that Democrats are more compassionate than Republicans in that they are more supportive of the poor, the underdog, and the minorities, while Republicans look out mainly for the interests of the wealthy and the large corporations. How would you respond to that?

Not really that significant. More poor people are Republican than Democrat because they realize that Republicans do a better job protecting the security and economy of the country. Democrats appear to be more compassionate but are actually condescending towards poor people.

20. Do you personally trust George Bush?

Yes.

21. What do you think George Bush’s strong qualities and weak qualities as a leader?

Bush is good at focusing on main issues – like national security. Has a strong ability to build a good team and surround him self with excellent advisors. His weakness has been his inability to gather greater respect in the international community.

22. Are there any Republican positions you disagree with? If so, which ones?

Yes, I am pro-choice.

23. What kind of Republican do you consider yourself to be?

Moderate

24. Are you concerned with the shrinking middle class and what do you think might be the cause of this ever increasing gap between the rich and the poor?

Mildly concerned – although I believe that as the rich grow richer they invest in the country and further increase the standard of living for everyone.

25. If this gap continues to grow, what do you think will happen?

Nothing.

26. Do you feel the liberal media misrepresents the Republican positions? If so, which ones?

Yes, but it’s fairly irrelevant as everyone is aware of it and the Republicans maintain a strong majority across the country.

27. Do you favor a flat tax or bracket tax?

I favor a flat tax, although for very different reasons than most Republicans. I believe the tax system is quite unfair because if you think about it taxing income at a substantially higher level than capital gains is the ultimate benefit to the upper class, because the wealthy make most of their money off of investments. There should be lower income taxes to encourage working for a living and low capital gains to encourage investing in the economy and a higher consumption tax to discourage excess spending.

28. Do you think the Patriot Act should be renewed?

Yes.

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Republican B:

1. What is your profession?

I am currently a medical student at the Weill Medical College of Cornell University.

2. What are your life goals? Where do you want to be in 10 years?

I want to be a doctor. I don’t know what type of doctor I want to be yet.

3. Rank in order of personal importance-

(happiness, friends, money, God, love, health, art, family)

Family, God, Happiness, Love, Friends, Health, Job, Money, Art

4. Do you consider yourself a moral person? Do you worry about trying to be a good person?

I do consider myself a moral person in the sense that I think that I have a sense of morality–a code, or something like that–that I try to abide by. I can’t say that I am perfectly moral in the sense that everything I do is perfectly moral, but I do consider it important

that I try to do my best in sticking with my moral code. I do worry about being a good person, and feel that I am successful at least some of the time. I feel that I struggle at times, especially in the degree to which I let people around me know how much I care about them. That, I think, is one area in which I worry a great deal about my ability to be a good person.

5. Why are you a Republican and not a Democrat?

It is hard for me to say exactly why I am Republican and not a Democrat. I don’t think I am a one issue person, nor am I a person who lines up perfectly with any party on all issues.

I guess I am a Republican because I line up with them slightly more often than I do with the Democrats.

6. What political party do your parents belong to?

My Dad is a registered Republican. I think my Mom is a registered Republican, but I am not sure.

7. At what moment, or because of what issue did it become obvious to you that you were Republican?

Again, I don’t feel like there was a single moment or issue that made me feel I am Republican. If a realization happened at all, it was gradually, kind of in lock-step with my gradual awakening to various political issues. If anything, as I have gotten older (moving out of my teenage years into my mid-20s), I feel that I have become less reflexively conservative in general, but somewhat more staunchly conservative on a few particular issues.

8. How much do you care about politics? (i.e., not much, a lot, etc…)

I care about governance–the actual management of government and its impact on individual lives–a great deal. I care about politics less, but still a lot. I honestly don’t have the stomach for many of the arguments that pass as politics.

9. Do you believe in the American Dream, i.e. that anyone can become rich no matter where they started from if they put their mind to it?

I believe in the American Dream as a model of aspiration, wherein people in the United States have a greater opportunity than people nearly anywhere else in the world to rise in social and economic terms. The history of my own extended family is indeed a case study in the American Dream. I am not foolish enough, however, to believe that this is any type of a guarantee, or that people have access to the American Dream in equal measure. Many people are born under too many burdens for them to rise.

10. What religion, if any, do you belong to? And, if any, how religious are you?

I belong to the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints. I consider myself very religious.

11. How do you feel about separation of Church and State?

I feel that the separation of church and state is vital to our way of life. I do feel, however, that the separation of church and state is often misunderstood. In the anti-establishment clause, the Constitution guarantees that the state will not establish any religion above any other. It does not require that free expressions of religion be absent from political life. My two favorite thoughts on church and state come from Thomas Jefferson and Joseph Smith. Jefferson said that the separation of church and state protects the state from the corrosive effects of religion, but more importantly protects religion from the corrosive effects of politics. Joseph Smith, as someone who suffered a great deal under government persecution of religion, wrote that he would never want to deprive others of the right to free worship because he would never want to be deprived of his right to free worship.

12. What is your position on gay marriage, abortion, and the death penalty?

Gay marriage: I believe that gay people should be allowed to marry or form unions. This is a point where I am at odds with the Republican Party and my religion. Abortion: I believe that life begins with conception, so abortion is inherently wrong–except in cases of health risk to the mother or rape–because it takes a life. That being said, my ultimate goal with abortion is that there be as few as possible. I understand that women will seek out abortions whether they are legal or not, so I endorse whichever abortion policy will keep the number of abortions at its lowest. My impression is that such a policy will involve some legalization for some types of abortion.

Death Penalty: This is a toughy for me. Ultimately, I believe that the state’s inability to adequately ensure the proper administration of the death penalty makes it untenable as a position. Even as I write this, I am conflicted about this issue.

13. Do you feel there is a contradiction in President Bush being against stem-cell research yet pro-death penalty? If so, does this bother you?

I do not feel that there is a contradiction. President Bush is against embryonic stem cell research because it involves the taking of an innocent life. He is for the death penalty because it represents what he feels is the correct punishment that stems from a conscious decision by a rational person to commit a crime for which the death penalty is a legal punishment.

14. If you could have voted on it, would you have been for or against going to war with Iraq?

I would have voted to go to war with Iraq. Chief among my reasons for voting that way would have been the issue of WMD, the desire to create a democratic state in the Middle East, and the need to free people from Hussein’s control.

15. What do you think were the reasons for going to war with Iraq?

At the time, the issue of WMD was paramount. President Bush–despite many people’s inability to remember this later on–did speak many times in the most public of forums about the importance of liberation and democratization for the future of the Middle East.

16. Do you believe that there was a connection between Al Queida and Saddam Hussein?

I believe that Saddam Hussein’s regime was aiding and sheltering some Al Qaida operatives. I do not think that his government was at all related to the direct planning of the September 11th attacks.

17. Which do you value more, civil liberties or national security?

That is a difficult question because I feel that one must take into account the period of time and the actual civil liberties being discussed. Civil liberties is a large, amorphous category that can range from the “biggies” like freedom of speech and freedom of the press to less significant issues, like the ability to not have your library reading list investigated by the FBI. At a time of war, national security is incredibly important, but does still not trump the “biggies.”…

National Security does, in my mind, trump smaller civil liberties, like the ability to have your reading list stay private.

18. Many Republicans say they believe in limited government and states’ rights. Liberals are puzzled that many Republicans nevertheless seem to want government to impose on all of society a particular set of values, as reflected in the movement to amend the constitution to explicitly forbid gay marriage, and in the administration’s anounced intent to prosecute the medical use of marijuana, overriding state laws permitting it. What are your comments on this?

I agree with many liberals’ puzzlement on this issue. Lately, I have considered myself perhaps more Libertarian than Republican, but Libertarians don’t get talked about very often. I think the issue at the core of this non-small government Republican movement is the principle that absolute power corrupts absolutely. Any party, when in a position of power, will do what it needs to do to extend that power. I think it is wrong for the Republican Party to extend itself into private lives as it has done during the Schiavo case, the gay marriage movement, and the extension of federal powers over state powers.

19. It’s sometimes said that Democrats are more compassionate than Republicans in that they are more supportive of the poor, the underdog, and the minorities, while Republicans look out mainly for the interests of the wealthy and the large corporations. How would you respond to that?

I think that on a superficial level, it is fair to say that the Democratic Party is friendlier to the “underdog.” It is primarily the Democratic Party that creates and sustains the entitlement society. On a deeper level, if you move past the rhetoric that Republicans only look out for their business cronies, I feel that Republican policies, especially in the economic sphere, are ultimately more to the advantage of the poor than Democratic policies. Economically speaking Republicans/conservatives stand for freer markets and lower taxes, which in the long term are far more important to the creation and sharing of wealth than restricted markets and higher taxes. This is not an argument for trickle-down economics or completely unregulated industry. Taxes should have some degree of progressiveness and industry needs regulations to prevent malfeasance. But at the same time, economic growth on the micro and macro scale occurs for the most part in the absence of government meddling, not because of it. Socially speaking, Republican policies against “hate-crime” legislation, affirmative action, and overwrought welfare are far more important in terms of creating a colorblind and economically equal society because they do not perpetuate the chronic protection of sub-groups. I feel that maintaining a government support system is necessary to protect those who truly need it, but that the best way to create long-term equality is to make the benefits of ingenuity, hard work, and dedication more tangible for those who demonstrate those qualities.

20. Do you personally trust George Bush?

I do.

21. What do you think are George Bush’s strong qualities and weak qualities as a leader?

I think that President Bush’s strengths are his ability to maintain a clear vision of his policies despite criticism; his instinctual feeling that democracy is worth fighting for, and his ability to inspire at crucial moments.

I think that President Bush’s weaknesses are his inability to articulate his positions, his occasional slow responses to important issues, and his occasional reliance on overly sweeping or religious language.

22. Are there any Republican positions that you disagree with? If so, which ones?

Gay marriage and the death penalty, as mentioned above. Abortion, depending on what wing of the party you are talking to.

23. What kind of Republican do you consider yourself to be? (i.e. moderate, extreme, etc…)

I guess I would say moderate. As I mentioned before, I am starting to think of myself as something of a Libertarian, but I am not really willing to accept that party’s thought that the least government intervention in people’s lives is always best. Moderate, is probably the best descriptor.

24. Are you concerned with the shrinking middle class and what do you think might be the cause of this ever increasing gap between the rich and the poor?

I think that the problem of the shrinking middle class can likely be reduced to the changing nature of the economy. The middle class in the United States historically contained people working in heavy industry…

As that industry moves overseas, and as the workplace becomes increasingly skill-based and technology-based, the jobs that usually defined the middle class are increasingly scarce. People either develop skills that make them competitive in the workplace or they don’t, and hence either move towards the upper class or the lower class.

25. If this gap continues to grow, what do you think will happen?

I don’t know where this will take us if it continues. I guess it can go one of two ways. The middle class can reemerge, which would happen either by some combination of rich people getting poorer and poor people getting richer. Whether this happens by organic (i.e. capitalistic) means or by government means will relate to what types of politicians leaders elect in the coming decades. I can’t really say.

26. Do you feel the liberal media misrepresents

Republican positions? If so, which ones?

I do think that there are strategic misrepresentations of Republican positions.

A few:

-On stem cells, President Bush has not banned research. He has restricted research on new embryological lines, but has funded it for existing embryological lines and for somatic stem cells.

-Despite the claims of many media outlets, the President did include liberation and democratization in his rationale for the Iraq war.

-The economy has shown relatively steady improvement over the past 18-24 months, yet nearly all press accounts talk exclusively about a terrible economy that has not grown since the Clinton era…forgetting that the beginning of the last recession began after the Internet bubble burst during the end of the Clinton presidency.

27. Are you for flat tax or bracket tax?

I am for a progressive, bracketed tax. I do, however, feel that it is unfair in the way that it is currently structured. Nearly one third of Americans pay absolutely no taxes. I believe that everyone should have some tax burden, regardless of how small it would be. For some people it would only be a dollar. I feel that required taxes for everyone would do a lot to create a sense of shared ownership in our country’s economy.

28. Do you think the Patriot Act should be renewed?

I support the renewal of the Patriot Act. I think it is an important tool for fighting terrorism. The issues that are typically raised when people argue against it–the library search stuff, the roving phone tap stuff–is either inconsequential (as in the former) or absolutely necessary (as in the latter).

November 2004

This is an interview with a doorman in one of the wealthiest buildings in Carnegie Hill (multi-billionaires). This doorman “X” is 22 and has only been working this job for 6 months- long enough to know the ins and outs but not so long as to feel enough loyalty to prevent him from divulging their secrets.

Me: Where are you from?

X: I’m from Jersey.

Me: And who do you live with right now?

X: I live with my parents. I live in the basement apartment of our little house in the North Jersey suburb of Fairlawn.

Me: Is being a doorman fulltime for you?

X: It is fulltime and I also go to college. I’m doing nursing in college and as soon as I start the real fulltime nursing program, that’s when I’ll quit the doorman job.

Me: What do you hope to be doing in five years?

X: In 5 years I hope to co-ordinate a nursing department, in the city probably.

Me: Where do you want to live?

X: I want to live on the Upper East Side.

Me: Really?

X: Yeah, I like it here. You’re so close to the park over here, it’s really chill. It’s calm. Everything is around you- clubs, shopping, a roller skating rink, right here. The museum is over here. It’s so cultural here, you see tourists and they ask you questions. I like that. It’s social.

Me: How long have you been working in this particular building?

X: Since April (2004)

Me: A lot of my friends have been wondering how do doormen get their jobs? How did you get yours?

X: Usually through connections. I knew the super. He’s a family friend,

Me: Are you friends with any of the other doormen?

X: I’m not because I’m 22 and the closest one in age is like 40 so I can’t really get along with them too much, you know, I try to though.

Me: The other doormen, are they fulltime doormen, as in that’s their career? Or do they have other things that they do?

X: They’re just doormen and hallmen for 40 years.

Me: Do any of the doormen hang out together outside of the job?

X: On rare occasions they do but they try to keep it a secret, not to glorify it, because it’s not that cool, like doormen hanging out together, you know, it’s kind of…

Me: What are you’re duties as a doorman?

X: I’m mostly a hallman, actually.

Me: What’s that mean?

X: I take care of the hall, I take up deliveries, I sweep the hall, I take up food deliveries, I answer the phone sometimes, I show visitors where tenants live.

Me: What’s the most annoying thing a tenant does?

X: Fake smile, that’s the worst thing, yeah, fake smile.

Me: What makes you like a tenant? Is there anybody in the building you think is pretty cool?

X: Oh yeah, plenty of tenants are real personable people that you can talk to like a real person. They realize where you work, what you’re about. Some tenants are just down to earth, really awesome people, and some people just see you as a slave and nothing else. It sounds horrible but that’s the way it is. They treat you like utter dirt.

Me: When you hold the door open for somebody and they don’t say thank you, do you notice that? Is that rude?

X: Sometimes. I just get used to it. With certain tenants, if you’re someone that always says hi, and one day you don’t say hi, I notice that something is wrong in your life. It’s really weird- I can see if someone’s upset or if they had a horrible day at work. They come in and they don’t say hi or they don’t look at you. So you can always tell that.

Me: Do you get a Christmas bonus?

X: Yeah, each tenant tips you anywhere from $40 to $600. So we make out ok on Christmas.

Me: Before Christmas, are you ever consciously trying to be extra nice and helpful, thinking about your Christmas bonus?

X: I haven’t had a Christmas yet ‘cause I just started in April but I’m already considering acting nicer toward Christmas time. I’m pretty sure everybody does it. It’s pathetic. But if that’s your only job and you have kids and a family, you gotta do it.

Me: Here’s something I’m really curious about because I experience this everyday. How do you feel about people that live in the neighborhood that don’t live in your building, but they walk by everyday?

X: Well, some strangers always say hi, they always look at you, they expect you to say hi also.

Me: Is that good?

X: Is that good? You know, you have your off nights, you have your good nights. If you’re happy and you see that he’s happy also, then yeah, hi’s ok. But sometimes you don’t feel like saying hi and they just expect you to say hi because they’re used to it every day. They come up by the door. It’s just like a routine for some people. Do I like it? I mean, I don’t really care.

Me: What about the people that walk by everyday but don’t say hi to you. Is it awkward when they pass because you both know that you know who each other are?

X: Sometimes I try to look into their face, trying for them to look back at me, but they won’t look. It’s just such a weird relationship that we have. With someone that you don’t know at all but you see them every day, you don’t say hi, he knows that you’re looking at him, and you’re looking at him knowing that he knows. To me it’s a really sick relationship.

Me: I’ve been walking by the same doormen for more than ten years and I am kind of glad that we don’t say hi to each other because if we did I would literally have to say hi to them ten times a day. I would be thinking, when do I say hi and when do I not say hi.

X: Sometimes too many hi’s is not a good thing, it’s always a difference, sometimes you say hi you’re like ok cool, sometimes you’re like stop saying hi to me already, I see you every time walking by, I know you’re there, you know I’m here standing, I’m like a lowlife doorman and you’re obviously richer because you live right here I just don’t want to deal with it, stop saying hi to me.

Me: I’ve noticed something on my walks. Is this something doormen do? My theory is that…

X: Probably yes, whatever you think, we do.

Me: When I walk by these people that I’ve seen for ten years they sort of look in my direction, but right when I’m close enough to say hi they look away, and I think they’re doing it to avoid the situation, so neither of us has to deal with it.

X: I’ve never seen that happen yet. I do the opposite. I see a tenant all the way down the block, coming toward me. I turn around not to see him, but at the last second as he’s coming closer, that’s when I turn around and look at him. I don’t want to be staring at him for like ten minutes and then say hi again, that’s kind of freaky.

Me: Do you have more than a superficial relationship with any of the tenants in your building?
Like something more than just “Hello, how are you?”

X: If I were to work this job for let’s say two years, I probably would, but since I’m only here since April- I’m starting to have a closer relationship with several folks. It goes as far as saying “How was your day? How was your weekend?” And they actually talk to you and they tell you about their kids, or their houses in the country. I love that one! Always the country. Where were you? The country. What does that mean, the country?

Me: How do you feel the tenants treat you?

X: Tenants treat the new workers worse than they treat the old-timers because they don’t know you. They have history with the old-timers. I have not come across a real snob yet. I’m sure it will happen though pretty soon. Um, hmm, rich snobs, oh, here’s a good one. I love when someone takes their child for a walk and they have their nanny push the cart, and she’s walking right next to the damn nanny. What’s that about? It’s your child and you’re walking with the nanny. Can’t you roll your stupid stroller yourself? Why even walk? How easy can you be? It’s your fucking kid.

Also, if someone goes out food shopping and they have two grocwery bags but they’re really light, they’re like “Here! Here you go, take them, take these away from me. It’s ridiculous.

What else? Sometimes someone tips you with 2 dollars. What is that? Don’t tip me at all, you gave me two dollars. It’s just a slap in the face..

Me: Wow. What’s a tip that you feel good about?

X: 5 dollars. That’s a tip at least. That’s cool.

Me: Is there any feeling of resentment from the doormen to the tenants because they are these really rich people and you’re working for them? Do you feel that at all?

X: A lot of doormen hate all the tenants. I would say they hate 80% of the tenants. Any time they walk past, they say some stupid shit, like “I hate them.” I’m like “Yo, you work here, you chose your job here, you know, don’t say stupid shit, you work for them, that’s your job, so do it well.” First of all, if you work as a doorman then something isn’t right in your life. I mean, it’s not really a chosen profession.

Me: So nobody really is happy being a fulltime doorman?

X: Oh God, no. They are miserable. Absolutely miserable. You don’t understand. They just always complain and whine. I’ve gotta carry his bags, I gotta open the taxi door, blah blah blah, always complaining, just annoyed. You know, I enjoy it. It’s a new job for me so it’s kind of cool to experiencing the richness. They just always are bitter and complain about everything.

Me: I guess after twenty years…

X: Some have worked here for 40 years, all their lives. Ever since eighteen years old they worked here. They know nothing else besides the walls inside the building. All they’re trained to do is open the door. Also, here’s what I really hate. If someone calls you downstairs and says “how’s the weather?” How’s the weather? Look out the window! Take a walk downstairs, look at the damn weather! Every day somebody calls and asks how’s the weather. Is it raining? Check yourself. Take a walk outside. It’s just so ridiculous

Me: That’s an interesting one. Aren’t there any other doormen there that are, on the side, doing their real thing? I know one of my doormen, I always assumed he was a fulltime doorman, but I found out he’s a Latin percussionist.

X: Our doormen are plumbers, part-time plumbers, part-time handymen. That’s about it.

Me: What do you get paid?

X: The first year you get paid 14 an hour. In 3 years you receive, I believe, 18 an hour. And it tops out at 20 an hour. And then you have a union and you have health benefits.

Me: Are you in a union?

X: I’m not because you have to work a year and I haven’t been here a year yet.

Me: That’s pretty good for doing things you didn’t have to study in school.

X: It’s really sad how we have the same salaries as, you know who? A teacher. You know how sad that is? Think about that one.

Me: Are there any kids your age in the building?

X: Yeah. You know, I’ve tried to talk to them. I’ve tried to say hi, I guess. It’s just that we are on such different levels. I’ve seen these rich kids at college and I couldn’t really chill with them. Here, I’ve tried to and I can’t really see myself doing anything with them. I would want to just to see how they hang out with their rich friends and what they do. It looks pretty cool because they have their penthouses, you know.

Me: Is there any weird tension knowing you’re the same age?

X: Yeah. We had one kid in our place who graduated from the same college as I did. He graduated a year after I did and I’m opening doors for him. That’s pretty weird in itself.

Me: What did you study in college?

X: Marketing.

Me: Are you going to do anything with that?

X: If I could combine it with nursing, yeah, sure. But I’m not sure how I could even do that.

Me: Do you care about nursing?

X: I have to care about nursing. If I do it, it should really be a good, stable, high-paying job. There’s a good future in it. I tried to get a job in marketing for over a year after college. I graduated in June of 2003. I tried a whole year of getting a job, I couldn’t.

Me: You have to stand a lot for your job?

X: I do. Some tenants, if they see you sitting they complain to the super. You gotta choose your times, like when to sit and not to sit. And as soon as you see anyone, you gotta get up right away like a trained seal. And anytime you hear a sound you gotta get up. It’s so sad how we’re like trained people. You hear someone walking down the hall, it’s like, up! And you can’t really read also. I try to read on the job sometimes but once again, if a tenant sees you reading they could complain and they do complain sometimes.

Me: And then do you get in trouble or get a warning?

X: If you have several warnings they could fire you because the super doesn’t want any trouble himself.

Me: So do you get tired of standing? I mean are you ever standing for so long that you’re like, “Ugh, I’m so tired of standing!”?

X: I try to change positions. I try to walk around outside, try to stand on one foot, then the other foot. I try to do calf exercises while I’m at it.

Me: Really?

X: Yeah, sure. Eight hours of standing, what else are you going to do? I do try to sit.

Me: How do you feel about your uniform?

X: Well, we have a black one for winter and a gray one for summer. I wish we had shorts though in the summertime. We can’t take our jackets off even if it’s too hot, it’s really sad.

Me: Do you feel good in the uniform? Do you feel silly? Do you like dressing up?

X: You know, I’ve never had authority. This kind of gives you a little bit of authority. Like if somebody asks you if they can see someone. You call up first, otherwise you don’t let them in. If I was here for twenty years I would probably hate the uniform. But since I’m here for what, six, seven months, I’m cool with it.

Me: Do you get to keep your uniform when you leave?

X: You know, I’m not sure, but I’m pretty sure you just take it and run. Cause we have 4 uniforms and I’m sure you could just take one and leave. I think I will do that too.

Sometimes on Saturdays, because I work ‘til 12, I wear my pants out. It’s pretty cool. You get attention sometimes.

Me: You could be a doorman for Halloween.

X: Yeah, I know, I know. (Not really amused) Sometimes good attention, sometimes not as good. Sometimes laughs with you, sometimes laughs against you.

Me: There was a time, at least in girl’s fashion when I was a teenager where it was really hip to have that doorman stripe down your pants.

X: If you want I’ll give you a pair of mine.

Me: Oh it’s ok. Do you enjoy watching the people walk by?

X: Let me just tell you that all doormen are such sexist pigs. They look at every single girl. They make all the comments in the world, you can’t imagine the things they say. Not even just girls. Anyone who walks by, it’s always a judgment, always looking at what they’re wearing, at who they’re with, what they’re saying. It’s a world inside a world.

Me: Even those nice old foreign guys?

X: Even the nicest oldest grandpa doorman. Every one at our place is just ridiculous.

Me: You too?

X: I’m not, I’m really not.

Me: C’mon you gotta check out people walking by.

X: I do check out but I don’t say anything. These people they just say everything. It’s also really odd how when you know a tenant, you also know what they say about other tenants. Like tenants say how someone’s kids are too loud or someone is kind of weird.

Me: Like that guy in 10B is weird?

X: Yeah, they trust us with their feelings, and it’s weird because it’s kind of sacred almost. You know every family and you see them everyday and you know if they have a good day or a bad day. This one family’s dog just died and they loved him so much. They would walk him like ten times a day and now we don’t see them outside at all. You’re a part of every tenant’s life individually and you can’t really have that with any other job. I just wish they were nicer I guess. Then you would have a lot of good friends. I wish I could get to know all of them closer but you really can’t because you just see them, you just say hi, bye, and that’s it. And sometimes I want to ask them, what do you do? Where do you work? How did you get your status that you live in this building? I can’t really ask someone but I really want to sometimes. It’s interesting to me.

Me: I’ve always wondered, do they tell you you’re not allowed to pry into people?

X: No, no, not at all. But they say if you see a celebrity or somebody don’t try to take a picture, but I did though. I saw Natalie Portman.

Me: She went in the building?

X: Yeah, she did and I took a picture with her. It was awesome.

Me: Was she nice about it?

X: Yeah, she was. She was really down to earth, really nice girl. I asked her for a cigarette and she gave me one. I said “Where are you from?”

Me: Did she say Israel or Long Island?

X: Long Island.

Me: She was born in Israel, I hear.

X: Yeah, she was.

Me: What else?

X: Well. There’s a weird relationship between us and the nannies and the dog-walkers. Everybody talks. Nannies, they tell us everything and then we tell them what we know. It’s almost like an underground culture. They tell us how they treat them- if they’re cheap, where they’re traveling to- pretty much everything.

Me: That’s funny. I bet the families don’t know.

X: Oh yeah, they have no clue. Everyone talks, man. All we talk about is our tenants, it’s really sad. It’s always the same stories, too. A lot of doormen- they talk about other doormen in the same place. It’s always how somebody screwed up. If someone’s not doing their job or if someone is stealing our tips- cause we’ve got to share tips, supposedly, but some people don’t share them. They just take them for themselves. So, we talk about everybody. The limo drivers tell different stories. They know where they take the tenants, to which events, and they tell us everything also. We are so much a part of their lives, they have no idea.

Me: I forgot about the limo drivers.

X: Yeah, and they’re talkers, let me tell you. They look at every girl too, even worse I think.